People home school (generally) for one of four reasons: 1. they do not approve of their local school district 2. they cannot afford private education 3. they feel their child needs extra help or attention 4. they want to mesh their religion with academics. These are valid reasons. However, none of those reasons were why we decided to home school our youngest. We made the choice to home school just because we could. Because we thought, "Why not?! Let's give it a try." We felt like God opened the door and was leading us down this path.
Reagan was thrilled of course. Mostly because she is a homebody. She loves to be with her mama- at home. She loves to be read to, to hang out, to play, and to go to the library. The makings of a great home school experience, right?!
Well, actually that's kind of wrong... For us it was all the makings of a less than stellar experience. Which is what we've had.
Both of us have struggled with the role of mom vs. teacher. I have struggled with the guilt of dragging Reagan around after a home school day so I can grocery shop or run to Target or whatever. Reagan has struggled with being "alone" in her learning- not having other friends around to encourage her as she does her work. It is also hard when you have 2 in school. It tough for me to balance being involved at school with being at home with my home school daughter. You see, to be a successful home school family you must be at home!
So we have come to a difficult decision... Reagan is going back to school. Back to kindergarten with her sweet friends.
We are fully confident that she belongs with her brother and sister at CCS. But it is difficult because I feel like I have failed my daughter. I have no other words to explain it right now.
I love being with my daughter. She is such a delight. She is quick to smile, fun to be with, and has a great sense of humor. We went so many fun places over the last 2 months. There were good times while we were "in the classroom" too. It was not a waste at all. I am so glad for the opportunity to know my daughter better. To know her enough to realize she needs to be at school and not with me.
I will miss her on Monday and every day after that. Thank goodness she will only be half day!
Science
8 years ago
8 comments:
Well, Grayson is thrilled! I think you have loved your daughter well by trying something many would not and by being willing to say it isn't working. I'm very proud of you. I think an early lunch might be in order some time soon for a mommy who just launched her last to kindergarten.
Amy, you are very humble and brave to recognize where God is taking you now. You have NOT failed Reagan. You gave her a great example. Following God is not always a linear experience, and she has seen you handle that with grace and humility. You are a great mom and great teacher; Reagan experiences both!
So many times God leads us down a path offering us an experience with many unknowns. You trusted enough to get on the path. God loves you enough to give you clear direction and to allow you to choose another path without judgement. I think Monday will be a good day for both of you :)
Thanks so much for posting this! I have struggled with very similar things! Caroline is a momma's girl (but not a homebody)! And I was wanting to homeschool because Caroline is a delight (most of the time!) and because I felt like that would be best for raising her. I even believe(d) that I would be a better momma if I homeschooled and have better kids. The things I tell myself!!! But I have found the same problem: Mom vs. Teacher. We don't switch between those roles very well. But we both enjoy me playing the role of a parent supporting her education away from home. That's gonna be hard though, when she's gone more than two mornings a week!
I can understand why you feel like you've failed Reagan (I'm struggling with that a bit myself), but I want to say that I don't think you have failed her at all! You have shown her openness and courage- trying something completely unfamiliar and when it didn't go like you thought it would... Adjusting. All the while doing what you felt was God's best. That's a good gift to give her!
Hope you all continue to be at peace with your decision!
I think the BEST thing we can do for our kids is changing our course when we realize something isn't working...verses trying to make them fit into a mold of our expectations. It's a great decision, because I know you wouldn't have made it otherwise. And you know she will be well loved at CCS :)
I was just thinking this afternoon that I needed to e-mail you tonight to tell you I have been praying for Reagan and for YOU as you await her big day tomorrow. Your sweetie pie will be well taken care of. I promise.
Oh, and I agree wholeheartedly with all the earlier comments. Good thing we live to please our Maker and not man.
I'm so proud of you, friend. For being brave enough to make the right decision for R and face the feelings it creates in you. You are a beautiful mama.
You and Dale are the one's that know what is best for Reagan and I have no doubt that you have made the right decision.
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